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- Eleven-year-old Lucy was walking
down the village street leading a cow by a rope. She met the vicar who said, "Little
girl, what are you doing with that cow?"
"Please Sir," said Lucy, "it is my father's cow and I am taking her to the bull."
"Disgusting," said the parson, "can't your father do that?"
"No," said Lucy, "it has to be the bull."
- One day a black man showed
up at the gates of heaven and was met by Saint Peter. "I would like to be admitted
to heaven," he said. "Fine," said Saint Peter, "but first tell me what you have
done lately which would permit you to be admitted."
"Well," said the black man, "I marched in a civil rights march."
"A lot of people did that," said Saint Peter. "Maybe there is something else?"
"Yes," said the black man. "I got married at twelve o'clock noon."
"What is so unusual about that?" asked Saint Peter.
"I married a white woman," said the black man.
"When was that?" asked Saint Peter.
"Ah, about two minutes ago," said the black man.
- Faith
in God
A very religious old man lived just downhill of a big dam. One winter, after heavy
rains, he got a knock at the door. When he answered the door, there was a policeman
in a raincoat. 'I'm here to tell you the dam's in danger of bursting' he said.
'If you want to leave, you have time to do so.'
'No, thank you.' said the old man. 'My Lord God will save me.'
'Okay,' said the Policeman... 'suit yourself!' and he left.
The next day, there was a knock on
his door. When he answered the door, there was a Fireman dressed in flood-gear...down
at the bottom of where his driveway used to be was a boat. 'I'm here to tell you
that the dam has burst. It will soon take over your home. Please take some clothes
and come with me!' He said.
'No, thank you' said the old man... 'I've prayed to my Lord God, and he will save
me!!'
The fireman shook his head and said 'Suit yourself!!' and he left.
The next day the flood waters had
taken over his home and he was stranded on the roof. Soon, a helicopter came by,
and a Rescuer shouted through the open door 'Give me your hand!! We'll get you
out of here!!!'
'No!!' replied the old man... 'My faith in my Lord God will rescue me!!' 'Suit
yourself!!' said the Rescuer, and he flew away.
The next day, the old man drowned.
At the pearly gates, he met up the Almighty.
'My Lord God... I have always tried to be a good Christian!!! I prayed and prayed
for you to rescue me, and I died anyway!! Why!!???'
The Almighty answered in a booming voice: 'HEY!!! I SENT YOU A POLICEMAN, A BOAT
AND A HELICOPTER!!! WHAT MORE DID YOU WANT!!!??'
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