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- A patient lying on the operating
table started screaming, "I don't want to be cut open! You'll kill me! I don't
want to die!" The surgeon tried to calm the patient. "Just take it easy, sir,"
he said. "Look at my long white beard. I've done thousands of operations and nothing
has ever gone wrong."
"Oh, doctor, you're right! I know I can trust you!" replied the patient. When
the patient awoke after the operation, he looked around and saw the same white
beard and said, "Oh, thank you, doctor! You are a saint!"
"It's okay, son, you don't have to thank me. I am not your doctor -- my name is
St. Peter!"
- I have heard .... A Baptist,
a Presbyterian, a Methodist and a Catholic sat down to dinner. As soon as grace
was said, a very large fish was served up.
The Catholic immediately rose and helped himself to a good third of the fish,
head included. Looking at the others, he pompously announced, "The pope is the
head of the church." Naturally, being a Catholic, he is entitled to take the head
of the fish; that's what his understanding of religion is.
The Methodist wasted no time and reached across the table, helping himself to
another third of the fish, including the tail. Chin high in the air, he said,
"The end crowns the work."
The Presbyterian quickly removed the last of the fish, saying, "Truth lies between
the two extremes."
The Baptist looked down at the empty plate and, faced with the prospect of a meager
dinner, grabbed the glass of water and threw it in the faces of all the three
and shouted, "I baptize you in the name of the Lord!"
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